As an iPhone owner I can’t help but check the app store at least a few times a week to see if there are any cool new apps. Sadly, most of the new apps are fart jokes, and 25 dollar GPS apps. It’s my goal in this series to profile these absurd apps, and give them all the glory they deserve.

First up

Really?? I’m going to pay 1 dollar to have an app on my phone tell me to whisper sweet nothings in my girlfriends ear while nibbling on her ear? The most unimaginative human beings on the planet must love this app.

“Honey, let us make love”
“That sounds well Herb. Lets get in the mood first”
“Okay Barb, let me just pull out my…. phone, so it can tell me what to do to you”
“Oooh… caress your legs for 60 seconds – get the stopwatch ready – HERE I GO!”
“oooooooooooooooooooo HERBERT!!!!! DO ME NOW!!!”

Listen, I’m all for apps that help people in their lives. I’d just like to think that people about to make love are able to do so without their phone telling them how to do it. If you need help in foreplay odds are its in your execution, not actually coming up with what to do.

Until next week.