Charles E. Phillips, the co-president of software company Oracle and one of President Obama’s economic advisors, was outed for having an affair with YaVaughnie Wilkins, but not via traditional methods.  Wilkins decided to out the relationship by purchasing advertising billboard space in New York, San Francisco and Atlanta and plastering them with the words, “You are my soulmate forever!” accompanied with pictures of Phillips and Wilkins smiling together.

Story from CNN:

A URL on the billboards led curious visitors to a Web site containing personal photo albums featuring the couple at public and private events with friends and family. It also contained love notes from Charles E. Phillips to YaVaughnie Wilkins.

Phillips, 50, the co-president of Oracle Corp., admitted the affair with Wilkins, 42, in a statement released by his spokeswoman Friday….

Phillips, who has served on President Obama’s economic recovery advisory board since February, joined Oracle in 2003. Prior to that, he worked as a tech industry analyst at Morgan Stanley and served as a captain in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Often talked of as a potential successor to Oracle founder and CEO Larry Ellison, Phillips is one of the software company’s most senior and highly paid excecutives. On top of an $800,000 salary for 2009, he took home stock options and other compensation valued by Oracle at more than $18 million.

This story was far less notable for its content than it was for the comments it generated on CNN’s website regarding philandering men.  Some of the notables:

1)  He LIED. To at LEAST one person (his wife and the mother of his child). If he is willing to deceive someone he “loves” so readily, what does that bode for his reliability in all other areas of his life?

2)  Phillips is an opportunist and weasel. He admitted that he had an 8 1/2 year “serious” affair with Wilkins after she put it OUT. He was a former Marine Captain. Would he have been a traitor to our country if circumstances been of benefit to him as he did with his wife?

3)  This isnt about politics! This is about a woman who is sick and tired being lied to for the past 8 years. I think its awesome what she did to him. He should be so lucky it was just a few billboards professing her love him instead of her pulling a Glenn Close and boiling his kids bunny!! Im on her side!!! Way to go sister!

Look, ladies.  I agree with you on some counts.  Cheating is WRONG, and there may be biological differences between men and women, but reneging on your commitments is inexcusable on both sides.  That being said, It’s troubling to see some of the over-zealous responses to infidelities lately.  On the work-related side, if you were to absolve every unfaithful man of their responsibilities to their corporation or government, the entire society would crumble.  I’m not kidding.  The absolute BEST-CASE statistics place about 25 out of 100 odds a man will cheat on his wife.  The most recent statistics are hovering more around 60-70%.  Telling half to 2/3 of the world’s executives, directors, politicians, generals, surgeons, engineers, etc. to lose their occupational function would be the mortgage crisis times 1,000. There are many, many examples of men who were flawed in their personal lives but extremely beneficial to society in their public ones.  Martin Luther King, Jr and John McCain are just two examples.  So long as its not murder, rape or theft, leave people’s personal squabbles to their personal domain.

On the other side, it’s disturbing how people have in some instances applauded violence and career-sabotage toward men due to infidelity.  Let’s recap.  In the last six months, Tiger Woods was ostensibly struck with a golf club while fleeing from his wife, yet no one has really held Elin’s feet to the fire for this.  Chris Henry, a wide receiver for the Bengals was jettisoned off a FUCKING MOVING CAR and was FATALLY INJURED.  His fiancee was not charged, and has faced no real media scrutiny since.  Steve McNair was GUNNED DOWN in a murder-suicide.  People were more empathetic to him, but a large focus was still on his philandering as opposed to the actual murder.  And now Phillips has had his romantic life broadcast for all to see, which is by far the most pedestrian of the four offenses.

If a cheating woman was killed by her husband, the press would’ve practically tripped over their cameras rushing to report the story.  Anyone who had posited that “the woman got what she deserved,” would immediately be outcast as a misogynist, a woman-hater, a replica from the sexually oppressive past.  But when the tables are reversed, women are openly saying “he got what he deserved,” or “I would’ve done the same thing,” with no repercussions.  Again, cheating is wrong but murder is more wrong.  Men are frustrating, and I must admit we have a greater tendency to stray than women.  That does not mean that violence toward men should be overlooked or trivialized.

As for the billboard?  It lies somewhere in between.  If people are telling the truth, they should be able to say it.  However, what is going to happen the day a female executive is outed on a billboard with the following words, “I fucked (Mrs. Executive), take that (Executive’s Husband)” while you’re driving through a metropolitan area?  Wouldn’t that come across as flat out mean?  What if it were accompanied with a picture of the two together, kissing or engaged in some non-pornographic way that would clearly illustrate a sexual relationship?  Would women be expected to take this lying down the same way Phillips is being expected to?  I don’t think so.

Phillips’ actions were inexcusable, no doubt.  But people are tacitly approving vigilante punishments far outside the scope of his transgressions.  The most reasonable comments I saw were along the lines of “If he wants additional women, fine.  But don’t get married then.  Just stay single.”  This seemed to make sense.  In the area of politicians and top executives however, a family-friendly image goes a long way.  Bush’s 2004 re-election came partially due to “family values,” a theme that is very alive and well in this country.  How would it look if a top executive or politician was unmarried, even into his mid-40’s?  Can you name even one notable politician who is single?  Can you name one CEO who is single?  You can probably name some who are divorced.  And you can certainly name some who have “transgressed.”  But anyone who has proactively said, “I choose to abstain from marriage?”  Of course not.   A man who shuns marriage would be a man who shuns family values, at least in the public’s eyes.  So people like Phillips find themselves in odd quagmires.  Public trust is gained far more easily when married than when single.

Again, I am not condoning cheating.  Phillip’s actions are still inexcusable.  But analyzing someone’s incentive structure, there is a HUGE incentive to “appear” married and stable and a champion of family values in our country, even if deep down you have sexual desires that expand beyond the comfort level of your marriage.  If people truly want their leaders to proactively communicate their sexual desires to their partners and the public, then they are going to have to re-evaluate how they judge their leaders based on their marriages, or lack thereof.