You fuckin' up.

Story from AP by Raphael Satter and Holbrook Mohr (Courtesy of Yahoo! News):

Hayward took Saturday off to see his 52-foot yacht “Bob” compete in a race around the Isle of Wight off southern England. It was a good day for sailing — breezy and about 68 degrees — but anger simmered on the steamy Gulf Coast, where crude oil is still gushing from a blown-out well.

“Man, that ain’t right. None of us can even go out fishing, and he’s at the yacht races,” said Bobby Pitre, 33, who runs a tattoo shop in Larose, La. “I wish we could get a day off from the oil, too.”

(skip)

Hayward had already angered many in the U.S. when he was quoted in the Times of London as suggesting that Americans were particularly likely to file bogus claims for compensation from the spill. He later shocked Louisiana residents by telling them that no one wanted to resolve the crisis as badly as he did because “I’d like my life back.”

It’s understandable that people need some time with their families, or pursuing their hobbies, but the timing of this is absolutely the height of stupidity.  Between the reports of shoddy engineering practices, to the explanation from Hayward that “The Gulf of Mexico is a big ocean,” which is almost as masochistic strategically as “I can see Russia!”, to the recent firing, and now this.  You think a company with this kind of previous savvy for marketing would be slightly more punctilious regarding the public appearances of its spokespeople.

In other news, Korn, the Backstreet Boys and Lady Gaga are among a few of the artists deciding to boycott BP on their tour buses until more action is taken.  When Korn and the Backstreet Boys are cooperating against you, you’ve made some enemies on the other side of the pond, friend.

No. There is no good reason aside from the quirky personality of the bride.

From FoxNews

“This was a lot of fun. I think that Japanese have a strong sense that robots are our friends. Those in the robot industry mostly understand this, but people mainly want robots near them that serve some purpose,” said bride Satoko Inoue, 36, who works at manufacturer Kokoro.

What a creepy smile....

I clearly don’t get it, since I’m not in the tight inner circle of robotics. There is no way that a robot (in 2010*) can perform a task more efficiently and effectively than it’s human counterpart. The robot can’t just roll up, sit down, and run a wedding.

Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet (meters) away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.

Still not sold on the purpose of the robot. Is there a shortage of priests in the country? Did the robot have some dirt on the groom and forced him into letting him preside over the festivities? They had to go through the hassle of setting up a specialized area for the robot to be, and then have someone input commands into a computer. Here is what I do understand.

Matsui and his 'Wife'

In the past 5 years the Japanese have typecast themselves in American culture as a people who have completely outrageous competitions on gameshows, are aroused sexually by drawings and pillows, and who push the envelope of technology. This wedding fits nicely into the 3rd category. There is no logical explanation to an American as to why a robot had to be there, but to the Japanese it makes perfect sense; they are increasing the acceptance of technology in their lives.

And yes… this would have gotten story of the year if the groom was on a gameshow “The Bachelor: Love Pillow 4″ and picked Kimiko as his bride. If this does happen in 3 years, I’m going to sue the government of Japan for stealing my idea.

*I put the date of this writing in parentheses so that in 40 years I am not murdered by a robot that has become self aware and thinks I’m apart of a human resistance movement.

Not Quite as Censored

A Statement from Matt and Trey

In the 14 years we’ve been doing South Park we have never done a show that we couldn’t stand behind. We delivered our version of the show to Comedy Central and they made a determination to alter the episode. It wasn’t some meta-joke on our part. Comedy Central added the bleeps. In fact, Kyle’s customary final speech was about intimidation and fear. It didn’t mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped too. We’ll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we’ll see what happens to it.

Story from AP by David Bauder (Courtesy of Yahoo! News):

NEW YORK – Producers of “South Park” said Thursday that Comedy Central removed a speech about intimidation and fear from their show after a radical Muslim group warned that they could be killed for insulting the Prophet Muhammad.

It came during about 35 seconds of dialogue between the cartoon characters of Kyle, Jesus Christ and Santa Claus that was bleeped out.

“It wasn’t some meta-joke on our part,” producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone said. Comedy Central declined to comment.

Earlier this week, the radical group Revolution Muslim said on its website that “South Park” had insulted their prophet during last week’s episode by depicting him in a bear costume.

(skip ahead)

They said that in 14 years of making “South Park,” which just had its 200th episode, they’ve never delivered one they couldn’t stand behind.

“Kyle’s customary final speech was about intimidation and fear,” they said. “It didn’t mention Muhammad at all but it got bleeped … We’ll be back next week with a whole new show about something completely different and we’ll see what happens to it.”

This is a troubling sign for future artists.  Every other religion is subject to ridicule and parodies, yet Comedy Central has taken the position that the religion of Islam is exempt.  What message does this send for other radicals of varying religions?  If you threaten to blow us up enough, we’ll do what you want. There is a good fucking reason why the U.S. government doesn’t negotiate with terrorists, hopefully executives from our leading companies will learn to do the same.  Parker and Stone were denied a chance to make a defiant, and more importantly necessary stand against the threats of extremists.

Excuse me if I’ve taken humor a little too seriously lately.

Story from ArgusLeader by Peter Harriman

Not wanting to be labeled as a racist or hateful group, people within the party intentionally toned down rhetoric for yesterday’s events.

Ronald Reagan was quoted, invoked and lionized liberally at the South Dakota Tea Party Tax Day program Thursday at the Holiday Inn City Centre.

Sarah Palin wasn’t mentioned. Nor was President Obama.

The closest reference to a divisive figure of the day came in the title of Bob Bush’s song sung early in the evening: “God, Freedom and Liberty, an Ode to Sean Hannity.”

The previous evening, following a Tea Party-sponsored debate among Republican gubernatorial candidates, Tea Party organizer Allen Unruh had said the U.S. “is on the verge of the likes of a Civil War. But we’ll win with ballots not bullets,” and “our first black president is reinstituting slavery for Americans.”

Thursday, however, Unruh, and keynote speaker Deborah Brezina stayed away from hot-button contemporary politics and veiled threats of secession. Instead, they focused on principles of liberty embraced by the Founding Fathers and echoed by Reagan. Brezina, a Winston Churchill scholar, also drew similar parallels to the British World War II leader.

While Unruh’s comments may not have been the most tactful, he is only one man.  Is the Tea Party really racist, or extremist?  Are they a group preaching hate under the guise of constitutional liberty?  Or are they a misunderstood political movement, being defined by the few on the outer ends of the spectrum?

In an attempt to find out, I did what any good voter would do.  I trolled the internet for about 45 seconds to find funny pictures that were even tangentially related to the debate.   Lucky for me, there were many other Tax Day Tea Party events across the country, and there were many funny photos to find.  A few favorites were culled from the Huffington Post (link here)

This seems rational.

Like you didn’t see this coming already.  By the way, how has “Joe the Plumber” really managed to stick this long?  Does anyone know this guy’s last name?  Not since Bob the Builder has a man been so defined by an occupation.

Nothing racist about that!

That’s good to know.  I was trying to figure out which of you were the sellouts and who was keepin’ it real.  I HATE bandwagon fans.

There’s that Jesus guy again.  Always butting in with his opinion.

A novice protester.

By far the best photo.

From Fox News:

It was not until an hour and a half later that he felt a tap on his shoulder — not from an air steward or fellow passenger, but a baffled mechanic.

In a panic, the sports law lecturer went to grab his bags, thinking he just fell behind the other passengers exiting the plane.

But the mechanic quipped: “Don’t worry, chill out and take all the time you want. The flight landed an hour and a half ago.”

It’s never a good thing when you wake up to see some seedy airplane mechanic hovering over you. It’s even worse when you have no idea what time it is, how long you’ve been out for, or where any of the other passengers are. It’s like a scene from a bad movie; you pass out as your leaving London, and come to with a gaggle of mechanics in a dark airplane hangar in Canada.

Of course, the real kicker in this story was the airlines response. In typical Canadian fashion;

Lines sent a complaint to Air Canada and got an email back from customer services, apologizing and promising him 20 percent off his next flight.

Wow. How generous, 20% off.

“Sorry our flight crew didn’t do it’s job, here’s some bubblegum and a coupon to Bennigans. Get outta here”

Story from AP by Ivan Moreno and Delvin Barrett (Courtesy of Yahoo! News):

DENVER – A Qatari diplomat trying to sneak a smoke in an airplane bathroom sparked a bomb scare Wednesday night on a flight from Washington to Denver, with fighter jets scrambled and law enforcement put on high alert, officials said. (skip ahead)

Two law enforcement officials said investigators were told the man was asked about the smell of smoke in the bathroom and he made a joke that he had been trying to light his shoes — an apparent reference to the 2001 so-called “shoe bomber” Richard Reid.

I feel bad saying this, but if my name is Mohammed Al-Madadi, and I’m in the bathroom on an American airline, and I’ve just been suspected of attempted terrorism, I’m not sure that now would be the best time for jocularity.

The airport remained open during the incident, and no flights were delayed or canceled, airport spokesman Jeff Green said. Inside the terminal, passengers from other flights picked up their luggage at baggage carriers, apparently unaware of any emergency.

An hour or so ago, people thought this was a legitimate attempt, posting that the man was trying to “ignite his shoes,” invoking both fear and a Charley-Chaplin sense of tragicomedy.

Oh!  This time he’s trying to blow up his underwear, but he can’t quite get it!  That’s not how you do it!!  Now his shoes!  Uh-oh!  They’ve goooot him!

Too soon?  Yeah.  Too soon.

Story from POLITICO by David Catanese (Courtesy of Yahoo! News):

At a senior center in Manchester Wednesday, one woman turned away when Hodes offered his outstretched hand for an introduction.

“I don’t want to shake your hand. You voted for health care, so just go,” snapped Carmen Guimond, as she refocused on her lunch of roast beef and mashed potatoes and waved him on.

When Hodes decided to stay at the table and launch a defense of what’s considered to be one of the more popular provisions of the law — closing the “doughnut hole,” a gap in prescription drug coverage for Medicare recipients — she challenged him about whether he had read the entire bill and dismissed his explanation.

“Two hundred and forty dollars in the first year. That’s all it is,” she said, referring to the initial subsidy. “That’s not much.”

“And over time, by 2020, it closes the doughnut hole,” Hodes said.

“We’ll all be dead by then,” she deadpanned.

Where the hell did they find this lady?  She sounds like Ernest Hemingway’s sister.  To hell with the war!   I’m just waiting for my turn to die….

A man who did not want to be identified said he pulled Hodes aside at the Manchester event to ask him why he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. The congressman told him he’s allergic to gold. His constituent remained skeptical.

“It’s a satisfactory answer, but I don’t know if it’s true,” the man said afterward, citing “all the improprieties out there” as the reason he inquired.

What normal man actively seeks out missing wedding rings when meeting people?  At least his eyesight is still good.

Yet another man was miffed that he received a form letter from the representative’s office in response to six specific questions he sent her by mail.

“I expect a reply. I heard a position statement that did not answer any of my questions,” complained Ben Niles of Merrimack.

Shea-Porter had her defenders, too, and they were uncowed. When one heckler mentioned polling against health care reform, he was greeted with, “That’s Sarah Palin’s death panel lies!”

Another supporter of the congresswoman responded to a comment with, “What, are you employed by some insurance company? Shut up!”

If you’ve ever wondered why our politicians are rarely the intellectual, thoughtful, kind-hearted and affable men and women we hope for, and are often instead the hooker-crazed (Eliot Spitzer), Troopergating (Sarah Palin), prego-sex-taping (John Edwards), “I’ve got FUCKING GOLD” manipulating (Rod Blageovich), Drunk-driving-dead-girl-abandoning (Kennedy) assholes you see on TV, this is why.  What sane person would want to put up with idiot conspiracy theories like these day after day?  Checking for a fucking wedding ring?  “I hate you because you didn’t give me what I wanted in the next 8 years, because I’ll be dead anyway?”  Politics is like selling crack.  If you make it to the top, you’re rolling on 20′s and banging ho’s while making six figures a year.  Otherwise you’re making 6 bucks an hour, getting shot at, and living at your mother’s place.  Likewise in Washington, if you make it to President or Congress/Senate, well congratulations because you’re one of the powerful few.  Otherwise you’re left to tame the dunces, only with less pay, fame and security.

God Bless you representatives, you are better, more patient people than I.

Story from CNN:

Queen of Talk Oprah Winfrey will set the stage for Rielle Hunter – John Edwards’ former mistress – to give her first televised interview, CNN has confirmed.

Last May, Edwards’ wife Elizabeth talked to Winfrey about her husband’s infidelity and her battle with cancer. When Winfrey asked Elizabeth whether or not she still loved her husband, she responded, “It’s complicated.” The couple have since separated.

She was referring to her Facebook status.

What kind of questions will Oprah ask Hunter?  Perhaps they’ll discuss how she is portrayed in Game Change, a book detailing the gossip within the Democratic party leading up to the presidential election (it basically said she was bat-shit nuts).  Or maybe the prego-sex-tape that one of Edwards’ aides held in his possession?  It’s going to be hard to throw this woman any easy ones.  Then again, if there is anyone who can turn around someone’s image as a home-wrecking deviant who prays on those stricken with cancer, I’m sure it’s Oprah.  God that woman can sell fire in hell if she wanted to.  Did you know according to one estimate, she delivered over a million votes for President Obama during his campaign?

Well.  Now you do.  You’re welcome.

I get it. You’re sick of this hoopla that surrounds LOST. You could care less about flash-backs, flash-forwards, flash-sideways, and just about anything else you could potentially flash. It may have even caused you to start hating Girls Gone Wild, due to the excessive flashing seen in both productions. We’re sorry.

You hate the fact that a bunch of us fans went ballistic that President Obama would have the audacity to hold his State of the Union address on the night of the season premiere. It made national news, and even prompted a comment from Press Secretary Gibbs on the unrelenting pleading from legions of fans not to do it. We’re sorry.

And just this week, when ABC showed a small “V” countdown clock in the lower right hand corner of the screen, it sparked a level of unbridled anger amongst fans that would make even Joseph Stalin blush.  “How dare they desecrate this fine piece of art!!!” Again, we are sorry!

For anyone who has never watched the show, or someone who stopped once they started getting to involved in numbers, polar bears in cages, and all this other Sci-Fi stuff, it’s hard to explain the stranglehold LOST has on our lives. But when a television show pulls you in this deep, it’s hard to see just how stupid you seem to people on the outside.

"I'm hot, yet you still don't like watching me in LOST - F U BUDDY!!"

But we won’t change. We have only a handful of episodes left before it is over forever. We’ve already invested over 100 hours of our lives into this story, JUST LET US ENJOY THESE FINAL 2 MONTHS! Honestly… once it’s over you can mock us all you want. In fact, 10 years from now, we’ll probably be laughing at ourselves.

But until then, there is more LOST to go. So please, let us get it out of our systems. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better. But pretty soon it’s going to go away completely; keep that happy thought in your mind for the next 2 months, it will be over sooner than you think.

Story from AP (Courtesy of Yahoo! News) by Frances D’Emilio, AP Writer

VATICAN CITY – At a solemn Good Friday service, Pope Benedict XVI’s personal preacher likened the tide of allegations that the pontiff has covered up sex abuse cases to the “more shameful aspects of anti-Semitism.” But within hours, facing a storm of criticism at the comparison, the Vatican felt it necessary to distance the pope from the preacher’s remarks.

Both Jewish and victims’ groups responded that it was inappropriate to compare the discomfort being experienced by the church leadership in the sex abuse scandal to the violence that culminated in the Holocaust. The Vatican has been on the defensive in recent days, saying the church has been singled out and collectively stereotyped for the problem of pedophilia, which it says is a society-wide issue.

Predictably, this made a few people upset.

A vocal U.S.-based victims lobby, SNAP, reacted scathingly to the sermon.

“It’s heartbreaking to see yet another smart, high-ranking Vatican official making such callous remarks that insult both abuse victims and Jewish people,” said David Clohessy of Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests. “It’s morally wrong to equate actual physical violence and hatred against a large group of innocent people with mere public scrutiny of a small group of complicit officials.”

This is a tough tree to bark up days before Easter, but the cognitive dissonance of the Vatican and the Catholic Church’s leaders is astounding right now.  The insensitive remarks regarding the Holocaust are just the latest in a long line blatant examples of disregard within the Vatican’s ranks.

I will preface my thoughts with personal disclosure: I was raised Catholic, in southern New Hampshire during my childhood.  I attended services most Sundays with my family, at 7 a.m, or the “fisherman’s mass.”  Believe it or not, I had considered priesthood around the ages of 12-13, and had briefly begun volunteering at a rectory in Concord when I was 14.  At the age of 15, with limited worldview, the sexual abuse crisis became big news throughout New England.  I had thought this was the first instance of such a scandal, and that it was geographically limited to New England.  Over the course of the next 8 years, I would realize this abuse was world-wide: Catholic abuses in Ireland and particularly Irish orphanages, to Australia, to the molesting of over 200 deaf boys in Germany.  This list could go on for as long as I wanted it to, but it was the local crisis that had triggered me to leave the Catholic faith, as again I had yet to learn of the world-wide magnitude of the problem.

I have never been sexually abused, let alone by a member of the church.  But at 15 and still living in New Hampshire, I was considerably angry regardless.  My ecumenical structure for praising God was being destroyed.  How could I support a Church where these abuses were happening?  How many pedophile priests were there really?  The ones at my current church were good people, but elsewhere?  How many?  Then I realized something.  Abuse is not endemic to any one organization.  History is rife with corporations that employed abusive people.  Many school-teachers were just as pernicious and abusive both sexually and emotionally as some of these priests.  And realistically, I still believed 95-99% of the Catholic priests were outstanding contributors to society.  It would be irrational and near-sighted of me to discard an entire organization due to the shortcomings of a few of its employees.  The leadership within the church would deal with this properly, and things would move on.

But they never did.  No documents were ever released to the authorities.  No cooperation with police or local community members.  And as time went on, it became apparent that the modus operandi of the diocese was to cover-up, shuffle and hide the pedophile priests for fear of public backlash.  It wasn’t the instances of the abuse itself that began to wear at my faith, it was the way in which the Catholic Church’s leadership dealt with it.  One mass particularly stuck with me.  Bishop John McCormack of New Hampshire had recently been found to be covering up cases, moving priests to new churches when it was discovered they were abusing children. In mass that Sunday, little prayer-cards were handed out and the woman at the lectern instructed us all to say a prayer for Bishop McCormack because he was enduring “difficult times.”  Really.  No such prayer-cards were handed out for the actual abuse victims, mind you.  I looked around, a herd of otherwise reasonable people joining in prayer for the man, no explicit acknowledgment of his sins or its implications on the church.  Who were we going to pray for next?  O.J.?  Hitler?  I realized that while the abuse cases were not endemic to the Catholic church, the way in which they were handled was.  No other organization would have protected their abusive employees like this.  And just as importantly, no other organization would have been ALLOWED to.  Catholics were being told that in order to have faith in God, they had to be members of the church, and without participation in the church they were not good followers of God.  As a result, their faith was held over their heads as collateral.  They were hostages of the after-life.  Without undying devotion to the church, they could not be seen as stalwart devotees of God.  I became increasingly angry at masses, and at age 15 I stopped going altogether.  Since then I’ve attended a couple Christmas masses with my sister, out of familial obligation.  I don’t want her to go by herself, and I love her more than I am angered with the church.

So, with my obvious “bias” in mind, I am criticizing the Catholic church for their inability to do right by their victims.  I am not trying to convert people to Atheism, and I still believe in God.  But I’ve never believed in one person, or one group of people so much that they could allow this kind of abuse for a century without ramifications.

Besides past cover-ups, the Pope is still denying people their right to information, claiming immunity from trials as head of state, rather than atone for the failures of his organization.  Motherfucker.

Whether other Catholics chose to leave the church entirely or improve the situation from within is up to them, and I will not criticize either decision.  But when a large group of people make an effort to internally improve things, only to have their leader continue to shun them, it further distances the rest of the world from the Catholic faith.  Ugh.  Happy early Easter, folks.